I have an announcment to everyone regardling my behavior.

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Slashwannabe1
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I have an announcment to everyone regardling my behavior.

Postby Slashwannabe1 » 30 Mar 2011, 01:46

Hello everyone...

Over the past week I've had a huge wake up call as well as an unexpected blessing, and I and a few others agreed it would be a good idea to let everyone know why I was always a little eratic & over the top with my behavior at times.

Over the course of the last 5-6 months I've had some rough patches in my life that have affected everything from family doings to my online behavior. Everything from finding out my new niece will need several heart surgeries and the first one was when she was just barely a week old and the last one is scheduled to be when she is 3 years old. Also along with dealing with family health issues I've also had to deal with zero support from what I thought was the love of my life lying & cheating (and now I find out) a closet heroin addict girl friend in an neverending quest to try to please her that drove me to the point of mental madness and made me question everything from my self worth to my faith. In the process she made me feel like nothing and even the most extraodinary gestures I did for her ultimately did not even matter, on top of her breaking the news that shes quiting our band and going to live with her new drug dealing boy friend at my birthday party in front of everyone in the midst of our band getting ready to record its first demo cd that week. I have never done drugs so I was oblivious to the signs so I was hit hard by the reality that our year & a half together was a joke.

In the process I've neglected everyone around me because I couldn't wrap my mind around anything else other than the abuse I was being put through by her and worse yet I believed her when she said I was a freak for wanting to give her the world, which is absolutly no excuse to treat others like crap but its just a fact I was coasting through life and trying to sleep away my days so I wouldn't wake up to the reality and the worst thing was I quit respecting myself which caused me to not always be the best person especially online here with some of you. A lot of times doing the pointless arguing & dissecting & making a big issue of each persons comment who made me even slightly mad was the only way for me to for a moment forget & not think about how she was using me for money & breaking my heart & not being there for me when my poor baby niece had her surgery & almost could have died.

She had eratic moods I used to blame myself for but the healing began a week after she broke up with me, when her sister explained that Toshia is a closet heroin addict who shoots up in her feet so she doesn't get scars and that even God himself could probably never figure her out. So in the last 2 months I've been slowly gaining back my confidence & old personality with the reality setting in that I could do no more to make that relationship work and also the fact of meeting some very caring people along the way & a special new girl who is just happy with me the way I am. Its funny because it doesn't take any of my effort to make this one happy while my ex demanded more effort than 100 men could offer at 200% each....probably why she had 4 boy friends at once (including me) and 600 facebook friends...mostly guys...Busy 19 year old girl.

I plan on making good with everyone I've ignored & had problems with now that I am capable of consentrating on life & not a fantasy that was never meant to be, I am a smarter & stronger person over these incidents. I've also learned that before one can love & care about others you must respect & love yourself. My ex made me feel like shit and on pins & needles all the time...it got so bad I would get chest pains just reading on my phone that I had a text waiting for me from her and I sat there wondering what I'd be getting bitched at for next. With the wake up call I've gotten recently & finally the guts to tell my family whats happened with my ex (I held my personal problems with my ex back from them to save face for her because I knew they would flip on her) now with having a new girl in my life that makes me happy (without me even breaking any sweat!) I've decided that I should takes this as an opportunity to make good & start over with everyone now that I finally feel like the person I used to be.

I would also like to thank Surf for allowing me the chance to tell everyone here how much I appreciate everyone of you on this forum and if I have rubbed some of you the wrong way I am greatly sorry, its really not how I am in real life and not how I would conduct myself prior to a year & a half ago. Without this forum keeping me occupied I certainly would have had a total emotional breakdown, but I consider you all family even though we're on an internet forum, I talk to a lot of you more so than some of my close relatives! and it really is more than just a internet forum.

I would like to personally say sorry to CrossroadsNYC,Bailz,Dean & whoever else I may have insulted on a personal level,my memory is bad with some of the names...mostly because some people who were offended chose to keep quiet or because I never held a grudge against anybody even in my lowest moments of life (mostly cuz my ex kept me too busy to care about anything). I promise to make a good effort to be a better person now that I have the right conditions to do so in my life. I did not intend to insult anyone deeply, more so it was me venting anger or frustration without realizing the other person may actually take it to heart, and I do play online games so some of my lingo is intense & not for everyone because of dealing with pricks on games who insult just to insult and get a person going so maybe I should have seperated that a little more than I did and I'm working on that.

Nobody told me what to write here and I am doing this because I believe in it, not because I want to be a kiss ass or liked, I like to shoot it straight regardless of the situation and it is that same brutal honesty (or what I believe to be true) that gets me in trouble sometimes and yes I'm working on that! I'm 24 & spunky as well so I need to take that back a notch as well haha.

If I missed anyone feel free to let me know I will pm you to apologise personally.

Thanks if you've read this far...I appreciate the support from Surf & other members and I ask the ones I've offended for a second chance, its really not me to be a dickhead, I'm the kind of guy who buys everyone a round of drinks at the bar and I intend to show the real me from now on.

Sincerely, Josh.
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Re: I have an announcment to everyone regardling my behavior

Postby slash-ed » 30 Mar 2011, 02:15

Best of luck sorting out your life. It sounds like you've had some hard times, just push past them and one day they'll be a bullshit memory that you'll look back on and laugh about.

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Re: I have an announcment to everyone regardling my behavior

Postby gtrman » 30 Mar 2011, 03:16

Good to have the real Josh back :-)
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Re: I have an announcment to everyone regardling my behavior

Postby TonyC » 30 Mar 2011, 05:47

Thanks for sharing Josh, and best of wishes leaving the hard times behind.

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Re: I have an announcment to everyone regardling my behavior

Postby Spotted Dog » 30 Mar 2011, 06:03

Damn!
Sorry to hear about your troubles, addictions in those we care about are a hard reality to swallow. Good luck to you and the band, hope you can get back on course with the music soon. :Thumbs
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Re: I have an announcment to everyone regardling my behavior

Postby surfnorthwest » 30 Mar 2011, 07:01

Well said Josh and thank you. It is easy to dismiss people and harder to see the good, but when we find it your friends should be there to pick you up and offer encouragment.
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Re: I have an announcment to everyone regardling my behavior

Postby Dave W » 30 Mar 2011, 08:34

Evil often uses others it has a stronger hold on to bring us down-away. It does not fight fair and often does not fight direct-face to face. Turns towards your faith.

I used to work on a detox-rehab unit. I could go on and on in detail but will keep it simple.....Stay the fuck away from your X forever, that means all communication. When she texts or calls or shows up at the door to talk, cry poor me, ask for help, screw, whatever. Ignore it and do not let it happen. Do not reset the relationship clock with an addict. Call 911 if she is willing to get help, if not ignore or tell her to go away. If she does not contact you consider yourself blessed. You can pray for her and let God help her. You can be kind and love her and care for her that way but do not re-establish any relationship period.

May better days be ahead for you!

Life really sucks at times. I often channel my frustrations at others instead of the source.

I think it was Maya Angelou who said something like, " Now that we know better, we do better"

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Re: I have an announcment to everyone regardling my behavior

Postby crossroadsnyc » 30 Mar 2011, 12:46

Josh, you and I are 100% cool, brother ... 100%.

Though our communication the past several days has been through Surf, I've gotten to not only know a lot more about you, but have grown to appreciate some of the things you've had to deal with, and have thus, grown to respect you a lot more as a man ... particularly for doing such a solid thing like writing this letter to everyone. Sweeping things under the rug is easy ... what you are doing now takes a lot of courage, and shows a tremendous amount of respect not to just everyone here, but most importantly, to yourself as well, for picking up on the fact that things weren't rolling along the way they should have been ... I can assure you w/out any reservations in saying this (believe me, brotha, I've been to hell and back a few times ... in fact I think the "sounds of hell" might have been recorded during one of my trips down), that it's the first step in getting things straightened out to where you want them to be.

Like I said, you and I are 100% cool ... and since I know a thing or two about rough patches in life, I'd like to extend the offer to you that if you ever need anyone to bounce some of your thoughts on, don't hesitate to write me anytime. In fact, I'd be happy to send you my aim sn as well if you ever want to chat that way instead.

You're a good dude, Josh ... Onward & Upward, my friend!
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Re: I have an announcment to everyone regardling my behavior

Postby Bailz » 30 Mar 2011, 14:38

It takes a big man to realise that they've made a mistake but it takes an even bigger one to try to make amends.

I appreciate your apology and look forward to welcoming you back to the forum; I hope things start to look up for you soon!

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Re: I have an announcment to everyone regardling my behavior

Postby JkGriffin » 30 Mar 2011, 15:31

You'd be surprised how many people have some sort of issues out there... I guess most of us have experienced them.
Many issues can't be helped... they are just a part of life, but those of betrayal and deception is in a way the worst as they bring out the worst in people and really... when looking at it... it is totally unnecessary.

Never had any issues with you myself, but I am glad on your behalf for what sounds like you're getting yourself back to where you should be a again.

Best of luck...

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Re: I have an announcment to everyone regardling my behavior

Postby slowpokerhino » 30 Mar 2011, 16:22

Thanks Josh.
You've been here long enough to know that many of us have issues every now and then. This really is a great place to get support, at times it seems easier to discuss our troubles with people we've never actually met but still consider friends.
This amp forum really has become so much more than just your average music forum. It's more like a community of like minded people. Musician's annonymous?
Welcome back, I wish you all the luck in the world & I will be praying for your niece.
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Re: I have an announcment to everyone regardling my behavior

Postby Slashwannabe1 » 30 Mar 2011, 17:34

I want to give a big thank you to everyone here...very touching and I appreciate all of your support. Maybe someday this will make good song writing meterial, all the crap I've been through but for now I'm glad I am able to live life again without worry of what text might come in to degrade me. Once I got past the point of caring what she thought I was a free man and though the road back to normal isn't always smooth I am glad in a way that some things did get brought up so that we could have this discussion and actually give me this wake up call to fully recover, it wasn't the funnest thing to go through this last week taking heat for my actions & posts but it needed to be done for me to wake up and as a result I now feel closer to you all and feel like I got my whole life ahead of me and not behind me. I was a very nice & confident easy going person before her, always the strong one friends would come to for advice but that woman tore down every defense I had and she knew how to do it.

Again I'm sorry to everyone and it means a lot to have support come from CrossroadsNYC,Bailz,Slowpokerhino,JKGriffin,Slash-Ed,Gtrman,Tony-C,Surf,Dave-W,SpottedDog and everyone else. You guys I consider to be true friends and God willing if I ever make even a little money to travel, I'd like to buy each one of you personally a round of drinks & dinner.

To be honest, I should have dumped Toshia when she said she didn't like Guns N Roses,Velvet Revolver or Slash and that our bands heavy songs weren't heavy....I should have known better! :high .

The new girl she likes all the music I do which is great seeing I plan on doing that for a living!. :jam

Slowpokerhino, thank you for prayers! means a lot!.

And Crossroadsnyc thank you for understanding, that means so much.

Bailz, you are good man thats for sure :) :Cheers

This is the website by the way that my brother put up for his daughter Kayla (my Niece I was talking about) http://www.kaylarileycheyka.com/index.php
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Re: I have an announcment to everyone regardling my behavior

Postby surfnorthwest » 30 Mar 2011, 17:39

I'd like to buy each one of you personally a round of drinks & dinner.
I ain't a cheap date so bring your best credit card. Now how about a new Avatar. :Thumbs
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Re: I have an announcment to everyone regardling my behavior

Postby Slashwannabe1 » 30 Mar 2011, 18:16

surfnorthwest wrote:
I'd like to buy each one of you personally a round of drinks & dinner.
I ain't a cheap date so bring your best credit card. Now how about a new Avatar. :Thumbs
Haha no prob!

By the way how is this avatar?
Amplifiers: Marshall 2555x 100watt Silver Jubilee Full Stack with matching 2551AV & 2551BV 8x12 70 watt Vintage 30 speakers.
Marshall 2466 100watt Vintage Modern w/ Matching 425A cab
1966 Fender Bandmaster
Effects: MXR:M234 Analog Chorus, Phase90, Slash Octave Fuzz, Slash SC95 Wah. BOSS: RV-3 & DD3 Reverb & Delay, GE-7 EQ,NS-2 Noise Suppressor, CS-3 Compression Sustainer
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Re: I have an announcment to everyone regardling my behavior

Postby surfnorthwest » 30 Mar 2011, 18:58

Nice looking young man, heck I might be able to send some young females your way. :scared2
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